(Editor's Note: This is an excerpt from an elsewhere published series entitled "Childrearing" authored by Doc Adams. Original title was, "The Pact.")
Too often today a young wife is demanding ratification of a nefarious Pact as collateral against bearing children. Her husband agrees to this pact if she is even going to consider having kids. This arrangement perverts healthy Childrearing. It rears its ugly head time and again, creating a conflicted marriage, distorted household management, and wayward children. I hold the modern women responsible because it is she that holds children out there as ransom, if only he will partake of the apple. And, we are interested in facts here, not fairness. We are interested in results in these pages, not in social transformation. Our lives are daily bombarded with the piteous nature of a woman's "plight". "It's just "so-o-h tough out there." Herein I offer confused and bamboozled Men some teeny-tiny counterpoint; an alternative universe of thought that may serve your children better than incessant female martyrdom and that silly contract you signed on to.
Women are the cultural czars today my friends, and men are merely confused and complicit inmates. You Men, just go on and try voicing an opinion contrary to gal-dogma in class, at a staff meeting, at the water cooler, or at the family reunion. You bet, you will be hooted and hollered off the stage, forever labeled a misogynist and hater. Activist women will make it their lifelong ambition to ruin your career, reputation, and contentions. Examples in today’s news are legion. Non-feminist woman live in sometimes even greater peril. Especially if they advocate a normal "balance" in marriage that does not martyr the woman. Dr. Laura Schlesinger, a real Ph.D. in psychology, and real woman, was forced to shut down her new TV show, run off the public radio waves for insisting that Feminism is harmful to a marriage and the family. So much for the sisterhood of “I am Woman, hear me roar!” I guess you are a "sissta" only if you are "roaring" the party line, ay?
Regardless of any such fairy-tale cultural dreaming, however, Manly Men are, and will always be, vital to the upbringing of healthy children. Destroying Manhood does just the opposite. The Serpentine Pact made by young couples today spells doom to the unborn. It is insidious and corrosive. It hides behind the curtain of “fairness”, today’s coded Trojan Horse. “The Pact” is simply this: the newlywed woman, or pre-newlywed woman, lays out her terms for agreeing to bear children with the following proviso — “if we have children, then you are going to have to help me, because I am not going to raise them by myself, and that includes ……” At this point she itemizes her contractual terms, notarizing guarantees designed to eliminate any conflict childrearing may have with her Xena-The-Warrior-Princess ambitions. Yeah, painless and trouble free childrearing for young Xena! Spills over into the woman's dominance within the marriage as well. Do not doubt me on this. Furthermore, just take a wild guess fellas at just where the contractual burden of reality and responsibility is then placed? Sure enough bro's; right on your ever-feminized, but estrogen-deficient shoulders.
And what she is talking about Boyz is the nitty-gritty work -- yeah, the diapers, the dishes, and even the responsibility for feeding and nurture of the infant. She is now contractually liberated and can take all the credit for those "beautiful children", yet still continue to whine incessantly about how "hard begin a Mother is." She now has carte-blanche to just sit there when you come home from work -- dinner not started; house a mess; baby's diaper full of doo-doo. Like Pontius Pilate, she washes her hands of any future responsibility for bad kids, for a bad marriage, and ultimately for a bad life. She has a contractual scapegoat now -- YOU, ma bruthas'! Should you protest, she quickly reminds you of your solemn promise. By and by, as she chews on Prozac, sniffling to her therapist that you are the cause of all her grief, she is let off the hook. Contract proves it. This "fair"-sounding pre-nupt is what I have dubbed, The Masculine Non-Proliferation Treaty. Can you say, "50/50"?
And what she is talking about Boyz is the nitty-gritty work -- yeah, the diapers, the dishes, and even the responsibility for feeding and nurture of the infant. She is now contractually liberated and can take all the credit for those "beautiful children", yet still continue to whine incessantly about how "hard begin a Mother is." She now has carte-blanche to just sit there when you come home from work -- dinner not started; house a mess; baby's diaper full of doo-doo. Like Pontius Pilate, she washes her hands of any future responsibility for bad kids, for a bad marriage, and ultimately for a bad life. She has a contractual scapegoat now -- YOU, ma bruthas'! Should you protest, she quickly reminds you of your solemn promise. By and by, as she chews on Prozac, sniffling to her therapist that you are the cause of all her grief, she is let off the hook. Contract proves it. This "fair"-sounding pre-nupt is what I have dubbed, The Masculine Non-Proliferation Treaty. Can you say, "50/50"?
Here’s how it works. Feminism has decreed that women that will no longer be slaves to the drudgery of family life. We have discussed this ad nauseum (See just about any entry in "Doctor Confidential"; or this series for that matter!) . Hilary Clinton once even used her bully pulpit to cruelly dismiss the tender and ancient act of preparing the table, feeding her Man, her kids. In response to how she would comport her First Ladyship, she hissed on about how it would not be “baking cookies” , fo' sho'! A nice symbolic metaphor, don't you think, for other unpleasantries that subjugate the gals? "Cruel and Unusual" like breastfeeding, changing diapers, daily cooking, cleaning the kitchen, washing the dirty dishes, washing the kiddies, washing the clothes, picking up after the kids and even herself, and even getting up at night to attend to a crying child. So, the "fair" enlightened young Man, eager to start raising a family, is put on notice, in no uncertain terms, that there is a new Sheriff in town, and things are going to be "a lot different than it was for my mom". The very first act of Childrearing, then, is a hostage situation. No promise, no kids……
Now this Pact embodies idiocies that are simply rich, and ultimately produce The Big Lie. First, it is a statement that implies that Men have not really helped raising children for past, well, centuries. The absurdity of this contention is intergalactic. That is why I urge you, discerning reader, to consider this lie for what it really is -- a baldfaced strategy by women to bear children and then to “call it in.” To first and foremost focus on her needs, deftly sidestepping the roll-up-the-sleeve work of childrearing. Sure, sure gals, you can screech protestation at the Old Doc all you want, but facts are stubborn things, and bad kids don't lie. They are like acne. Plainly visible. Anyway, what progress! How far we have advanced! What a backward age it was long ago when having children was considered the highest of callings; a blessing; a joy. A young wife dreamed of "giving" this gift to her husband. Dark Ages.............Indeed.
So, in just what manner do you contribute to raising the kiddies, ma' Bruthas'? Men contribute to childrearing by protecting the mother and child from harm, by providing manly discipline, by sweating blood to feed them, and by sometimes willingly sacrificing his life in order to better theirs.
Sure, of course I do get that most men no longer provide for their families by farming, killing Indians, and hunting bear. But friends, neither does a modern American wife carry up water from the river, make wood fires, cook outside, sew and repair everyones clothes, use a rock to wash clothes in the creek, or hang the clothes outside on the clothesline. (Like the real Mrs. Doc actually grew up doing by the way).
Implying that Men “haven’t been helping with the kids” is as ridiculous as contending that, well, women have never helped raise kids. After all, women never really could protect the family from outlaws or Indians. Nor did she skin bears, clear the forty acres for planting, or bleed to death on the beaches of Normandy. Nobody uses these facts to disqualify women as historical caretakers, now do we? No, no, you massively duped women, and you naively deceived men! Raising children is NOT a competition for biggest martyr award. You both have vital roles, roles that you are uniquely equipped to handle.
Yet, you Men are flailing and failing in wholesale abandonment of your primary familial duty (To Love, Honor, and Protect) by ascribing to this loony-tunes philosophy that says: “Even though I (woman) am now at no risk of hostile Indians and grizzly bears, and even though I now have every modern appliance and do not have to make a fire to light the stove every day, I really do not want to do any remaining menial chores like touching dishwater or diapers; and you need to do them if I am going to even consider doing this “children piece” at ANY "price point". The results of this pact have been catastrophic. Lazy women, lazy and neglected kids, flakey men. Take a look around you at the sobering results of these modern experiments. I mean, fellas! Skinny-jeans and selfies are but the tip of the iceberg of this social and cultural pathology!
So, in just what manner do you contribute to raising the kiddies, ma' Bruthas'? Men contribute to childrearing by protecting the mother and child from harm, by providing manly discipline, by sweating blood to feed them, and by sometimes willingly sacrificing his life in order to better theirs.
Sure, of course I do get that most men no longer provide for their families by farming, killing Indians, and hunting bear. But friends, neither does a modern American wife carry up water from the river, make wood fires, cook outside, sew and repair everyones clothes, use a rock to wash clothes in the creek, or hang the clothes outside on the clothesline. (Like the real Mrs. Doc actually grew up doing by the way).
Implying that Men “haven’t been helping with the kids” is as ridiculous as contending that, well, women have never helped raise kids. After all, women never really could protect the family from outlaws or Indians. Nor did she skin bears, clear the forty acres for planting, or bleed to death on the beaches of Normandy. Nobody uses these facts to disqualify women as historical caretakers, now do we? No, no, you massively duped women, and you naively deceived men! Raising children is NOT a competition for biggest martyr award. You both have vital roles, roles that you are uniquely equipped to handle.
Yet, you Men are flailing and failing in wholesale abandonment of your primary familial duty (To Love, Honor, and Protect) by ascribing to this loony-tunes philosophy that says: “Even though I (woman) am now at no risk of hostile Indians and grizzly bears, and even though I now have every modern appliance and do not have to make a fire to light the stove every day, I really do not want to do any remaining menial chores like touching dishwater or diapers; and you need to do them if I am going to even consider doing this “children piece” at ANY "price point". The results of this pact have been catastrophic. Lazy women, lazy and neglected kids, flakey men. Take a look around you at the sobering results of these modern experiments. I mean, fellas! Skinny-jeans and selfies are but the tip of the iceberg of this social and cultural pathology!
The Second part of the Big Lie is that the Pact is actually a back-door rationalization for the fledgling feminists to liberate her time and efforts for “bigger” fish. She has her sights on being a big-time attorney; a CEO; a Senator for goodness sakes! She will settle for president of the PTA, or Team Mom, or any committee or class that walks by if those are the only positions currently available. Anything to find that underground railroad, and freedom from the shackles of familial slavery. After all, these outside activities can be her stepping stones to Xena-power and eventually world domination. Or, at least put her a leg up over her cringing, obsequious, and clearly less intelligent husband. Yeah, can you believe it? Wife competing against Husband?!? You bet, “hear me roar!” “I can be Oh Great Leader of this troubled world and do a much better job of it than those greedy, numbskull Men ever could.” Can you say Evita? Can you say child neglect? Lost generation?
And perhaps women as a whole will do a better job in time — in the corporate boardroom; in the halls of Congress; and in science, medicine and literature. But are you really ready and willing to send a team of Lady SEALS up against the Chinese regulars? Russian SPEZNAZ? ISIS? And do you really want your kids raised with two mommy’s? In Congress, a woman may make a good Senator, but in the home she makes a lousy Pop; and Pop makes a lousy Mom. This is what we are taking about here. Healthy Childrearing, not world domination. You gals, make your choice; either Senator or Mother — YOU CANNOT DO BOTH AND RAISE EFFECTIVE AND HEALTHY CHILDREN! World domination can wait until after the children are grown.
And perhaps women as a whole will do a better job in time — in the corporate boardroom; in the halls of Congress; and in science, medicine and literature. But are you really ready and willing to send a team of Lady SEALS up against the Chinese regulars? Russian SPEZNAZ? ISIS? And do you really want your kids raised with two mommy’s? In Congress, a woman may make a good Senator, but in the home she makes a lousy Pop; and Pop makes a lousy Mom. This is what we are taking about here. Healthy Childrearing, not world domination. You gals, make your choice; either Senator or Mother — YOU CANNOT DO BOTH AND RAISE EFFECTIVE AND HEALTHY CHILDREN! World domination can wait until after the children are grown.
The third tenet of the Big Lie cleverly perverts one of the Man's most important qualities and uses it against him to actually work counter to producing a proud Husband and Father, and successful Leader. That quality is his sense of duty and honor. In his eagerness to start a family, he agrees to this Devilish pact (in writing even!) thereby perverting a noble trait as he struggles forevermore to keep his (misbegotten) word. He finds himself being Mr. Mommy to the everlasting shame and scorn of his deceived and short-changed children. The kiddies are the big losers of this Pact of Shame. They need the gentle, reassuring voice, smell and instincts of Mamma early on; not the musk, bad breath, fur, growl, snort and short attention span of He-mom.
Furthermore Mr. Mommy now feels that he is forever duty-bound to this atrocity. Wake up fellas! You make all kinds of other promises simply to get into her jeans — and many of those are never honored. Que no? So why would you feel compelled to forever honor a wrong-headed agreement of such momentously destructive import to your marriage and children? Admit that you have been stupid and perverse and have acted against the Laws of Nature, abolish it, and move on. And at least try to do better. For the children. You two are always squawking about the precious "children" this and the precious "children" that. "Precious" children indeed.
On the other hand, a mother humbling herself to wash the dishes accomplishes so many positive things, the least of which is getting the spaghetti sauce off the plates. Here are a few of the benefits that children glean from MOTHER washing the dishes, and as you review them, consider, with Manly maturity, what the home is really like if your wife's ambitions cause override and neglect of these vital interactions:
On the other hand, a mother humbling herself to wash the dishes accomplishes so many positive things, the least of which is getting the spaghetti sauce off the plates. Here are a few of the benefits that children glean from MOTHER washing the dishes, and as you review them, consider, with Manly maturity, what the home is really like if your wife's ambitions cause override and neglect of these vital interactions:
- Great time for children to observe the importance of the chore as a virtue. If mother scorns a household chore, than so will the kiddies, especially the female kiddies.
- Great time to utilize mother’s superior, genetically-provided gift of gab. It is estimated on average that a woman needs to get out 5000 words a day compared to her husband's 1000. She is better at the child-chit-chat that is so important in socialization, teaching of language, as well as family histories.
- Great way for the children to keep their minds and bodies occupied with constructive activity, as opposed to the child-centered activities that tend to produce bratty, boring narcissists.
- Great way to begin the training of the children to contribute to the family fortunes rather than the modern parasitical acculturation. Yes, you can teach the kids to enjoy working if you provide them with important reasons to do so.
- Great time to tout the virtues of their absent Father. He is away, at work, either behind a mule or in the office or at sea. He is working for us all. A better life for us all. Working for his woman, for his kids, for his company, for his country. Emphasize to the little one that we still need Daddy to protect us; the Chinese kill the second child; the North Koreans starve everyone; the Russians seek only power for their elite; and the Iranians use petro-dollars to further 12th century barbarism, misogyny and domination. Yeah, you bet, we just gotta buck up the American Man, and be quick about it!
- Great way to model teamwork. Dishes done, kitchen clean, Mother and kiddies feel proud and self-satisfied in a job well done. This makes evening repose so much more enjoyable, warm, loving, and instructive for the absorbent psyches of the growing kiddies
So you Men, go ahead and help with the dishes when appropriate. But this is not your Family-building strong suit. Change the diapers when appropriate. But neither is this your strength. For that matter, nor is it your wife’s job to clean the oil off the garage floor; to kill the rat in the attic; to compress the garbage into the trashcans; to mow the lawn; to maintain the power tools; to answer the front doorbell at 11:00 P.M.; to stand watch at the park while you and the kids enjoy yourselves; or kill a bomb-maker at a 1000 yards....... You fellas cannot busy yourself with Mother’s chores, because in wasting precious time and effort fulfilling your wive’s misbegotten feminist fantasy, your children lose what they really need from you: and that is for you to be a Sentinel — on guard, watchful, alert to danger.
What kinds of danger you might ask? How about when little Billy is roughing up little Susie? Employ a time-out? Or do something effective like issuing a stern, masculine warning with one word. “BILLY!” If you have not built up a lifetime of respect and fear in Billy’s eyes, he will no more obey you than will little Susie when you shout “SUSIE!” as she draws dangerously near the busy street; or any more than will your wife when you see muggers approaching her as she fills the tank with gas and you shout “HONEY, GET IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW!”. By the time she expresses her indignity at “being ordered around”, it may be too late to prevent that moment of tragedy whose pain will last a lifetime.
Think about this, you Men, if you are thinking that danger is a passe' role for Father in today’s “safe” world. What about when growing Billy balks at doing his chores? You need to insist that he do them. Oh sure, you can try reasoning, but 13 year-old Billy can counter with a thousand reasons to refute your treatise on duty, character and work ethic. Then where are you? If you lose this one Pop, then Billy loses, and big time. Yikes, Cousin Dude: the living-with-mommy-at-age-50, rubbing-sleep-outta-the-eyes at 11:00 A.M., and griping-about-too-small-a-welfare-check Cousin Dude, that's who — the Dude abides! Is that what you really want? (Imagine defending the village with this Big Lebowsky)? No of course not. This, my friends is real danger....for all of us.
Yet you continue to resist this scenario as a "stretch" because you cannot at this point connect the dots — how does losing round one with Billy lead to cousin Duderotomy? You simply refuse to allow yourself to accept the truth of what the Old Doc, or Rush, or Dr. Laura espouse, especially when your knees are knocking as your woman glares at you with that practiced Feminist glare of condescension. Way overboard, you say? Exaggerating? Going a little too far, don’t you think? Well fellas, NOT connecting the dots is a skill absent from Second-Graders , so perhaps you can at least act a bit more with it, ay lads?
Yet you continue to resist this scenario as a "stretch" because you cannot at this point connect the dots — how does losing round one with Billy lead to cousin Duderotomy? You simply refuse to allow yourself to accept the truth of what the Old Doc, or Rush, or Dr. Laura espouse, especially when your knees are knocking as your woman glares at you with that practiced Feminist glare of condescension. Way overboard, you say? Exaggerating? Going a little too far, don’t you think? Well fellas, NOT connecting the dots is a skill absent from Second-Graders , so perhaps you can at least act a bit more with it, ay lads?
And fellas, what about when 16 year-old Susie, oozing hormones, wants to live the rest of her life with Richard Ramirez? She shouts down her Mom’s advice to slow down. Then what? What tools do you parents have left in your arsenal to prevent Susie from a lifetime of regret? And an accidental "love" child? Yup, you have a Manly Pop. A stern, “N-O, spells NO!” from Father. At that moment, a lifetime of confidence in her Pop's discipline kicks in. He means what he says, and says what he means, and Mom supports him. She may feel deprived, but she does not defy Pop. She has just enough fear and respect that when he gives her “that look”, there will be no compromise, nor further negotiations.
She knows little of the dangers at that age. Richard Ramirez is thwarted from his conquest of your precious Susie’s pink undergarments. She will thank you later, believe me. But more importantly, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and feel fulfilled as having done your duty. Fulfilled your destiny. Acted as our Heavenly Father would have wanted you to act……Or not. Rewind to pre-Billy and pre-Susie, all the way back to the day The Pact was laid out for you. Adhere dutifully to The Pact, and Billy blows you off; Susie blows you off. Ramirez' dream comes true, and Welfare has another subscriber.
She knows little of the dangers at that age. Richard Ramirez is thwarted from his conquest of your precious Susie’s pink undergarments. She will thank you later, believe me. But more importantly, you will be able to look yourself in the mirror and feel fulfilled as having done your duty. Fulfilled your destiny. Acted as our Heavenly Father would have wanted you to act……Or not. Rewind to pre-Billy and pre-Susie, all the way back to the day The Pact was laid out for you. Adhere dutifully to The Pact, and Billy blows you off; Susie blows you off. Ramirez' dream comes true, and Welfare has another subscriber.
If you have kiddies and are honoring The Pact, look at it as just one more stupid and naive scheme you agreed to in your youth. Now that you are awake, tear up the damned thing! C'mon mates, grow up! Dishes, diapers and changing the oil are not what we are really talking about here anyway, so for Heaven's sake take a look at this hideous mess staring you in the face and quit with the denial already. We are talking about a Man's abilities and a Woman's abilities, and how best to combine them lovingly in order to acculturate healthy new tribal members. Gents, if you are confronted with The Pact for the first time, turn around 180 degrees and run as fast as you can in the other direction. You must be the leader of your family. That is a Man’s proscribed role. Yeah, proscribed by God. (Try arguing with God on anything and see where that gets you). You must allow your woman to fulfill her role as your wife and your children’s mother. You cannot shield her from her proscribed mandate.
Of course, if you two intend to NOT have children, then se le vie! Go ahead and sign on the dotted line. Be Mr. Sensitive. Bed down with a menagerie of tattooed gals and guys if you want, and be all you can be. Knock yourself out. Be proud of your Metrosexuality. Let us hear your roar! Grrrrrr!
Of course, if you two intend to NOT have children, then se le vie! Go ahead and sign on the dotted line. Be Mr. Sensitive. Bed down with a menagerie of tattooed gals and guys if you want, and be all you can be. Knock yourself out. Be proud of your Metrosexuality. Let us hear your roar! Grrrrrr!
But, on the other hand fellas, if you want healthy children; you want your son to be a Forthright Man; and you want your daughter to be a courageous and loyal woman, then you must be a Warrior in your soul. You must lead your family. You must teach them the pride you possess in your own honor and Manhood. And you gals, take note. A bossy woman with a weak Man is a pitiful nag. A humble women paired with a proud Man is a sight to behold! She begets Warriors and Queens. She elevates her Warrior husband to new heights and new achievements. And in turn, he honors her even more; he worships her even more; and he dedicates himself to the well-being of her children even more. Reject any anti-Masculine Treaties. Go for Honor instead. Dignity. Humility. Courage. Land of the Free and Home of the Brave. There is a lot at stake folks, and so very much to lose………Doc
