Father Dysphoria

                                        " A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
                                                                                                                -- Gloria Steinem


     Some strange happenings in current events Me Lads.  Seems the famous folks are daily making the Old Doc's Manhood rants more and more relevant.  You Men, especially you young fellas,  ought to stick close to the Old Doc.  Danger lurking.  As Putin grabs for more gusto;  as IS grabs for more heads to lop off;  and a China grabs for more MSG  to weaken American take-out buffs, American Men are dazed,  glassy-eyed, wobbling rubber-legged in the center of the ring.  Taking some heavy shots.  May not make it to the bell.  West Point, decorated Green Beret gets his Medals taken away by our illustrious Commander-in-Weep for, drum roll....having taken out a confirmed Muslim bomb maker and confirmed killer of many American soldiers.   In theatre......  Our genderless Prez has deemed that this decorated Soldier, this Man who has risked it all in the face of enemy fire,  did not follow ROE's to the letter.

     So the Man is "Branded", stripped of his honors, sword broken and tossed to the ground.  At the same time a Military analyst  threatens to cut his own balls off until the U.S. Military relents and provides him with the Hormones needed to turn him into a sheila.   Seems he was afflicted with Gender Dysphoria.  The Military relented and agreed to pay for the switch.  Heeshee is rewarded of course;  the hero is cursed.   This  new "disease"  interests a Medical Man like the Old Doc.  Hmm!  "Gender Dysphoria"......Marvels of modern Medical Science!  Now, was it Man without a fish.....fish without a man....or bicycle without a seat?  Ouch!

     Anyway, our O' Great One, our Genderless-in-Briefs just unveiled his defense strategy to combat the growing, worldwide Fascist Islamic War.  Yeah, he is going to fund "jobs" programs in Muslim countries, and then drop in on the UN from time to time to see how they are doing.  Whoa, testosteroni-with-cheese flowing like a river from that eunuch!

Jeepers Mr. Wilson, the bike again.  Ms. Steinem was really on to something!

     To tell you the truth, Old Doc is minimally troubled by the hee's out there that want to be sheila's.  In a way, can't blame 'em.  The gals are the winning team right now;  rat's leaving a sinking ship and all that.  Join the winners boys;  Be A She and All You Can Be!   I reckon we Men who want to continue being Men have got bigger fish to fry, ay lads?

     Let's leave the poor gals alone from a while, shall we?  Let's focus on the XY's, from boy to Man.  Previously, we have discussed the damage Xena has done in weakening Manhood in general.  So much so in fact that fully half of my 4 readers are actually considering making the "switch" just to get the Old Doc off their backs!  So let's hone in on the fledgling boys, some of whom will survive to true Manhood.  Like hatchling Sea Turtles trying to get to sea, they indeed have a rough road ahead.

     Let us talk about raising boys to successfully become honorable Men.  Again, we are talking regular ol' Fellas married to basically honest but perhaps misguided gals.  We are not addressing the hardcores.  The Activists.  The pathological.  What does this have to do with Gender Dysphoria?  Well, other than being a neat sound-biscuit for describing why a Military Analyst was threatening to cut his own balls off, it is also the latest snappy name for "unease or dissatisfaction" for one's birth sex chromosomes.  You see, Men are born with X and Y chromosomes;  women only X.  And don't evermore say the word "gend_r."  (Nor "issues", "man-cave", "price-point", "Kashi",  or any French phrase).  Use of these sound-bite ready, politically fashionable words will deplete your Masculinity every time you say them.  Leave language like this to the girls, or trained professional like the Old Doc;  or to the CCC's, or the "Chromosome Confusion Crowd."

     Let's do, then,  talk about the new "diseases" facing boys today as they make their way down the beach towards Manhood, assaulted daily by the gauntlet of our predatory culture.     There is the latest of the fabricated diseases, or "Gender Dysphoria".   (The Old Doc can safely say "gender" because his is a trained professional).   There is the old tried and trues, like Gender Confusion, Bipolar, Depression, and Attention Deficit Disorders.  And there are the permutations from this well, like Defiance Disorder,  Oppositional Behavior Disorder, and the myriad of Childhood Anxiety Disorders that can apply to purty much any situation.  Label you boy, forever.  Not intended here to be a Medical Treatise here, merely a wetting-of-the-beak for you fellas with falteringY-chromosome syndrome.  But heed this warning from an Old Doc you Men.  Just because Doctors are bamboozled into accepting the Activist's phraseology for "new" diseases;  and just because the Activist Doctors work to create scientific acceptance for these politically opportune "diseases"; and just because these ready-for-lawsuit names begin to pop up in the Medical literature -- does not make them legitimate scientific phenomena.  Doctors have always been influenced by social trends and do OFTEN deviate from sound scientific principles in order to avoid persecution,  like tar and feathering.  Hey sports fans, I mean, wasn't General Washington doomed when his Doctors stuck leeches all over him to suck out the "bad humours?"  The confused Presidential Doc might 've been run outta town on a rail if he had suggested steam treatment for the General's epiglottitis.   Sans the leeches.

      OK, so we are for the moment going to drop the he/she, boy/girl, Man/woman.  All "he" for a while because this Old Doc wants to bore in on you fellas for a bit.  Might be a bit rough, but for a moment embrace you fear, ay lads?  We are attempting to rescue you from this wanton cultural (NOT medical) assault on your Y-chromosome!  No, no, don't get up and hide behind the gal's skirt; don't hide from Manly discourse;   hang in there a bit Boyz!  Yes, you really DO need to hear this.  Or maybe you are more comfortable with the hackneyed cliche the gals really favor:  "We need to talk......."   "You got mud in your ears or what?"

     Sitting quietly at Mass this morning, trying to concentrate on a bit of a higher plane, my own serenity was shattered by two  boys in the pew just in front of your favorite Old Doc.  About two and three years old.  I was indeed exasperated.  And inspired to compose this written payback.  Their father's painful confusion during the entire service was impressive, to say the least.  Let us coin a new medical term.  Let us heretofore call this "Father Dysphoria."  Hey, I can play this game to, ay Pards?

     Actually, I was not so irritated by the ignorant boy cubs, but I was really steamed and dismayed at their MetroDad!  Mrs. Doc and me arrived a bit early for services,  quiet meditation........ We sat in our favorite pew.    In the midst of my big-time Mea Culpas, in walks a nice looking family of 41/2;  pregnant mom, Pop, and two male rugrats.  No problem there, nice family, teaching them boys early about their Heavenly Father.  Old Doc is certainly a big advocate of this family worship;  not seen often enough with today's Selfie generation.

     Well sir, no sooner do they sit down then do the two Devil Boys start fussing, whining, and SPREADING OUT.  Search and destroy, heads on a swivel, looking for anything that they might vandalize.  Trained Family Doc that I am, I failed to notice the 6-6-6's on their scalps.  Grabbing the prayer books, running up and down the pew.  Both parents looking on adoringly with cult-like smiles transfixed on their clueless faces as noise and destruction rained down upon bystanding parishioners.  When the decibel level reached jackhammer range, MiniDad was finally compelled to try to hush the devil boys, quite unsuccessfully I might add.  Each time he attempted to "convince" the 2 and 3 year olds about the "quiet as a Church mouse" lecture series, they became dangerously agitated.  So agitated, MiniDad actually even threatened a time-out.  Holy Children's Services Batman!

     At this point, MiniDad watched lovingly as mom then began unpacking the two large baby bags and accessories they had carried in.  Out came the snacks, the crackers, the pretzels, the sweets and the picnic blanket, all nicely packed in zip-locks.  The boys ran from bag to bag, loudly pulling out all of their contents scattering them onto the benches, the pews, and the floor.  These boys were in a frenzy, believe me!  Finally, as the pies de resistance, mom pulls out the toys, including a full sized wooden train that clanked hideously against the wooden benches as they rolled it along  25 feet clackity-clacking all the while the  Padre inaudibly delivered his homily.   It looked like the Monsignor was lip-syncing.

     Back and forth the Union Pacific Railroad barreled hideously right under the Old Doc's hands clasped in prayer.  Mom arose after an eternity, and at this point I actually thought she was going to put a stop to this heretical rioting.   Instead, she lovingly walked the 25 feet or so down the pew, again right in front of the Doc, sat herself down, and actually began to smile approvingly at the noisy boys rumbling that wooden train up and down that hard, wooden bench.  She looked up at MiniDad who was also enchanted, and both smiled again.  May our Heavenly Father forgive me for my impure thoughts at that moment.......

     Now, here is where the Old Doc is at a disadvantage in your confused eyes.  From my point of view this is all preventable.  From your naive perspective and Kool-aid soaked brainwashing, these baby godzillas are "just children."  What do they know about solemnity and worship? How, ever, can we control this?  Boys will be boys, right?  What do they know, indeed.  Well fellas, they "know" at this point, everything and anything you have taught them to know, that's what.  The corollary is that they don't know what you haven't taught them, sports fans!

     And here's the jist of it Boyz -- with mom's help, you have failed these little boys right out of the shute.  From the moment they are born, you stand by and watch as they become the show ponies for your "happy" marriage.  They become like little iPhones that you can show off to your friends, your relatives, and innocent bystanders like the grouchy Old Doc in church, in the market, in the restaurant, or in the movie theatre.  You feign that they are "so precious" when there is an audience to applaud you, and then you neglect them when no one is watching.  In Public, EVERYTHING they do is ever so cute;  in private, you just can't be bothered to properly parent them, so busy are you just trying to cope with your high maintenance wife and her incessant demands and perpetual misery.

     Sure fellas, you let them be paraded around the neighborhood like little show poodles, with all the latest in strollers, Bjorn carriers, injury-proof toys, and little $100 running shoes.  Yeah, two-year olds with the Reebok running shoes!  Grooming them with that Metro-Magic all right.   The brats are fully iPhone and iPad ready by the time they are two years old. When no one is watching, you stick one of these electronic devices in their little faces like a pacifier, so they won't bother you and your wife as you puff up your chests in front of friends and smile knowingly at just what parents-of-the-year you are, I mean, "just look at those cute curls!"  And this is your little boy you are pointing at!  When everyone is watching, and just begging for a demonstration, why you and the wife just wind 'em up and let 'em perform. All the while you look on adoringly, confirming to the ostensibly admiring crowd that you are in NO WAY like your own Father.   Yeah, unlike your Pop, you do deliver on that "quality time."

     So when these boys really need you, in private, when no one is looking, you abandon their disciplines to the iPad babysitter.  Then when the crowd is watching, you engage in every bit of self-indulgent "parenting" just guaranteed to create a first class narcissist apprentice.  But with cute curls......  You Pop, are allowing for the creation of a monster -- a selfish, self-centered baby godzillette who is destined to make everyone around them suffer their show-off antics;  their attention-craving behaviors; and their disruptions of the Old Doc's attempt at communion in Church.  Just watch them Fellas, any and everywhere you go -- they are fidgety, whiny, roving, searching for anything that they can touch, knock over, bang on the table or throw on the floor.  Decent folks are repulsed by them.  They are uneasy because they have never been taught calm, dignity, politeness, or discipline.   In public and in private Pop, that is your job, your responsibility, even if fem-mom is not completely on board yet.

     What is a confused, bewildered, dysphoric Pop to do?  No Lads, do NOT make The Switch.   You bewildered Y's can remember the words of the best Therapist for Father Dysphoria that this Old Doc has ever witnessed.  Yup, Don Vito Corleone who poignantly thundered, "you can act like a Man!" 

Yes, you and mommy are the problem, Pards.  Your boys are not suffering from a Ritalin deficiency.  Labeling them as "ADD-ers" isn't going to do anything more than to make your boys future drug addicts, marijuana smokers, and losers with a built-in rationale to be "dysphoric" about anything that will get them free room and board.  And you, you my self-righteous Daddy, you get away scot free.  No responsibility at all for the dirty deed of creating this mess, and then covering it up with a drug -- yeah, daily doses of amphetamine prescribed by the women in the life of your precious little boy.  (The scandal is real Fellas, millions of little boys,  now on Ritalin, and the drug addiction is a medical fact.  Oh, and really, only a rare little girl is put on this stuff.  You think this "gender" assault is exaggerated?  Extract your Male head out of your arse Gents, facts certainly are stubborn things).

     In order to prevent your boy(s) from contracting Gender Dysphoria, you Fellas need to first prevent Father Dysphoria, and you can start with your own sensitive and self-absorbed psyche.  Above all, start with a few basics, you know, kinda like playing pepper before the first inning of a baseball game....baseball......... B-A-S-E-B-A-L-L.  America's sport?  You know, the one with the wooden stick, and hard round ball, a leather mitt, hey batta batta?......Sheeesh!

     First of all you have got to stop letting the boys call you Daddy.  Number one.  I mean each time your boy addresses you or refers to you with this feminine moniker, you lose Testosterone production and your boy induces his own testicular retardation.  You Boyz listen to the Duke, and correct this miscalculation post haste;  or stamp it out like the plague it truly is before it catches on.  Honest fellas, hear me on this.

"You can call me Dad, you can call me Father, you can call me Jacob, and you can call me Jake.  You can call me a dirty old son-of-a-bitch, but if you EVER call me Daddy again, I'll finish this fight."
                                                                                                                         -- Jacob McCandles
                                                                                                                             "Big Jake"

     You should be trying to demonstrate to your boy the Manly Virtues, not feminine sensitivities.  Yeah Pards, avoid the "SSS" or Sissy Sensitivity Syndrome.  Chuck all the girly psycho-tripe, psycho-babble and pyscho-bullshit!  Liberate yourselves from these ovarian claptraps!  Male Gonads UNITE!..........

     Now listen, there are traits which are definitely appropriate for the women-folk.  Sensitivity, tenderness, emotional verbosity, nurturing, intimacy....you bet, in the right proportions mixed with dollops of courage, devotion and loyalty;  then hey you have got a gal to ride the river with.  No question.  But Men, you are just plain 'ol gonna confuse your boy if you mirror your wife's psyche.  I realize that this is what some Activists actually want, but surely you do not want your boy to be straddling the fence when it comes to his Masculinity....Fellas?

     OK so get rid of these truly insane notions about your "issues."  Your "issues" are irrelevant when it comes to a successful environment for raising boys, and I would add, for a successful marriage.  Stuff the "intimacy" issues;  the "anger" issues;  the "abandonment" issues;  and the "tissue" issues.  They are concepts that are fundamentally propagated in the modern culture to weaken the fabric of American Masculinity and you OWE IT TO YOUR BOY TO EXCOMMUNICATE THIS GENDER CLAPTRAP FROM YOUR REPERTOIRE......NOW!

     So much of this cultural pycho-babble essentially weakens the authority, discipline, stoicism, courage and leadership roles Men have held for eons.  You assimilate this doctrine of blather and you condemn your boy to a future of confusion, inadequacy, cowardice, uncertainty, docility, and frivolity.  Gone is the dogged loyalty and devotion;  gone is the undaunted courage;  and gone is Duty, Honor, Country.  You become unsure of your country's time -honored values;  cynical about masculine pursuits;  frivolous about marriage and  family;  and sacreligious about God,  Heaven and Hell.  You can no more teach your boy to be a Man than can a "fish ride a bicycle (sic)."

     As the Old Doc has said before,  get right first and foremost with your soul, stand up for your Manhood, and defend these ancient gifts from God as if you boy's life depended on them.   Because it does.  From the moment of your boy's birth you are on stage, you are being watched and you are being evaluated by this new male being.  Specifics?  Well, for starters, think twice about all this La Maze crap, breathing in tandem with your wife in labor.   Think twice about standing in the Labor and Delivery Room with that stupid hat, booties and mask on.  Consider instead staying in the waiting room with the Fellas and passing out cigars when your baby is born.  Hey, just a thought, tongue-in-cheek I guess.  Go on, go into the Delivery room with your wife if you want, but without the bewildered, stupid grin;  without the synchronized breathing;  and for Heaven's sake WITHOUT the video camera!  I mean, you really should NOT be all that comfortable with the same outfit on that all the nurses are wearing.  Go ahead, you compare the dignity involved then...........

........and now,

     You might think,  "ah, what the heck, what does it matter to the boy at that age anyway?"  Well think again Pards.  New evidence suggests that your boy is processing your conversations with mom, and even music,  while inside the UTERUS!    For you college grads, that means BEFORE birth.  You bet, your boy is groovin' to  iTunes while still doing the back stroke inside mom.  So everything you do in front of Junior matters.  Everything.

     We have already touched on some other early babyhood Pop basics.  Needless to say, you want your growing boy baby, boy infant, boy child and young boy to experience you Fellas in as Masculine a light as possible, at all times.  At all times you want to display Manly behaviors, which Junior will quickly and thoroughly begin to emulate.  Display girlie behavior, and that will be emulated.  Be sure of that.  Right off the bat see to it that you and your wife discuss and get unified on your boy's need for Pop to be a masculine role model.  Your wife may at times lean to the girlie side, because, yah, she is a girl.  But you my Manly friends, dump the Bjorn Baby Carrier;  keep it simple with the stroller and make the color a masculine black;  and X-NAY on the pictures with you lying barefoot on the floor with baby on your chest as if you are breast feeding.  In fact, keep your own picture-taking to a minimum so that you do not engender the Selfie syndrome in your boy.  Speak in your normal voice when addressing Junior, and avoid Hollywood-style "quality time."   And  avoid on-your-knees goo-goo gaga games.  Go ahead and read to the boy, at any age, but dump the Little Mermaid and stick to the "El Cid" or "King Arthur and His Knights of the Round Table" or Grimm's Fairy Tales.  And a word about buying toys for your boy.  Don't.......Buy him a .22 rifle, a pocketknife or a baseball mitt.  But stuff the "Tickle-Me-Elmo."  And jeez Men, get that girlie-curls boy of yours a damn haircut!

     But above all, begin lessons in discipline and behavior  -- and do so often and early.  This is your strong suit Lads.  When Junior is still latching on to Mamma's teat you can begin Man training.  The gruff voice of displeasure.  The sternness of your physical guidance.  The solemnity you demonstrate during solemn occasions -- yeah, Church services and funerals.  The restraint you show them at restaurants, theaters and the dinner table.  Anywhere you may go, you must demonstrate proper behavior to your boy no matter what age he may be at the time.  He is watching.  He is recording.  He is assimilating.  There is scientific evidence that your boy identifies with you as a Male within weeks of birth, and maybe sooner.  Therefore your actions become a modeling template for his modus operandi.  You act like a weenie, your boy will very quickly begin acting out with disruptive, boisterous, inappropriate and exasperating behaviors.  The older and more physically capable, the more disgusting.

     On the other hand, shushing during Church services ;  engaging in the disciplines that disincentivize  tantrums in restaurants or markets; and maintaining a steady, serious habitus and demeanor will help Junior evolve his behavior appropriately.  You Pop;  it is you that largely determines how obnoxious Junior is allowed to become.  You control him at home, you control him in Church, you control him at the market.  Consistent seriousness on your part will engender respect and calm on Junior's part.  Just a look will often calm his incipient outburst if you have laid the Manly groundwork for him.  All this works even better with you and your wife on the same radio band frequency Pal, believe me.  You've got your work cut out for you there Pard, no doubt.

     The most far reaching, enduring, effective disincentive to your boy acting-out with bad behavior  IS NOT RITALIN for Heaven sakes!  It is plain, old-fashioned, roll-up-your-sleeves Manly demeanor, frowns, gruffness, sternness, firmness, consistency....yes, principled discipline.  You cannot effectively discipline your boy if you are a scatter-brained, Metro Mess dealing with your intimacy issues, your anger issues, or your abandonment issues.  You must stand like a mighty oak tree in the howling wind.  Let your wife parent with the flexibility of  the weeping willow since that is her strength.  But your strength IS strength,  and although from time to time you may be accused of being inflexibly "brittle" your boy nevertheless needs to see the constancy of your Manhood.  Let everyone else around him lean, bend, wrap-around and compromise with every breeze, but your boy needs to see your feet firmly on the ground -- ready, willing and able to confront any and all eventualities and threats.  Hard-wired Fellas.  Ancient truths.

     Good, polite, courteous, generous, well-behaved children were expected in past generations.  The switch, the paddle, the punishment, the extra chores, the clear expression of disapproval and disappointment all used to be standard issue with parenting.  Believe me fellas, the trend toward spanking-free homes is a clear and present danger to your boy especially since boys are physical, rambunctious, and daring simply because their DNA prescribes these traits.  From time to time a physical show of force will deter Terrorism on the international stage;  as will it with your active, growing boy on the home front.  Don't be frightened Men.  This is NOT hate talk.  This is truth.  Proven.  Time-tested.  Fo' rills.

     Getting right with yourself Men, first and foremost. This is the key to Boyhood Development.  You, your head, your heart, your Soul.   Quit with the debate society.  Bow your head, on your knees and ask Our Heavenly Father for Manly Courage and Wisdom, and the answers will come, but only if your own house is in order.  Quit with the Gender confusion and gender dysphoria, and just stop saying, thinking or hearing "gender" period.  Stop doing things simply because the girls approve, simply because your wife demands it.  Evaluate every thing you do, every action you take, every word you utter, and every thought you think through the filter of your own eyes, your own ears, and your OWN MIND.  You are the final arbiter of your Manhood, and ultimately that of your boy.  Do not relegate this to his mom, his female teachers, female principal, and female pediatrician.  You messed up if you "compromised" when he was a little boy and let him grow up to become a  devil-worshipping, skinny-jeans, dope-smoker who is perennially trying to get into a rock band.  By the time your boy is 13 it is all over my friends;  that is unless you are prepared at that age for some battle royales, let me tell you.  Easier to start when they are babes.  Start 'em out right, grow 'em right and watch with pride as they grow straight and strong.  Patriots.  Integrity.  Courage.  American.

     Remember what Robert MacGregor told his son:

Son: Father, will the MacGregors ever be kings again? 

Robert Roy MacGregor: All men with honor are kings. But not all kings have honor. 

Son: What is honor? 

Robert Roy MacGregor: Honor is... 

[Mary looking on]

Robert Roy MacGregor: what no man can give ya. And none can take away. Honor is a man's gift to himself. 

Son: Do women have it? 

Robert Roy MacGregor: Women have the heart of honor. And we cherish and protect it in them. You must never mistreat a woman, or a lame man. Or stand by and see another do so. 

Son: How do you know if you have it? 

Robert Roy MacGregor: Never worry on the getting of it. It grows in you, and speaks to you. All you need do is listen.

     Listen Mates.  Listen to those animals in the pew in front of the Old Doc.  Listen, and then take action.  Stop that kid from shattering my few moments of serene contemplation.  Stop that little boy before he becomes irreversibly lost to insignificant, parasitical, selfish, self-centered narcissism.  America needs him.................Doc